To Please Her
by Patch
Summary: Girls, when it's *that* time of the month and you need *those* things... who do you call for help? Why, Mamoru of course!


To Please Her  
Author: Patch  
E-mail: patchkhan1@hotmail.com  
Rating: PG-13  
  
Hi hi everyone! First off, I just want to say  
ONE thing, I am a girl. Yes, a girl. It   
depresses me very much when people see   
my pen name and think me a guy. _  
No offense to any guy out there!  
Welps, this is my latest 'creation'. It's a   
storyline that I haven't seen before so I   
gave it my best shot. This is a fic based   
on the compilation of many personal   
experiences. I enjoyed writing it, I   
hope you all enjoy reading it.  
Many thanks go to all those who write   
to me. You guys make me feel all warm   
and tingly inside ^_^.  
Patch.  
  
Insert Standard Disclaimer.  
  
Mamoru was in the kitchen mixing   
batter for pancakes when he heard the first groan.   
Instantly, he felt fear shoot through him but it was   
tamped down when another groan followed the   
first.  
Oh Kami, he thought placing the bowl   
on the counter. He knew those sounds all too   
well and it could only mean one thing...  
Beads of sweat formed on his forehead   
as he walked into the bedroom where his wife   
lay curled up on her side.  
"Usako, daijabou?" he asked carefully, walking   
around to Usagi's side.  
"No, you baka, I'm not okay!" she   
closed her eyes tightly and clenched her teeth as   
another wave of pain struck her. "I've got cramps,"   
she bit out and then quietly she added, "and they  
hurt."  
He swallowed slightly and paled   
visibly. It was that time... that time of the month   
that all husbands, boyfriends, fathers and any   
other member of the male species with a female   
in his life feared... greatly.  
He sat down next to her and brushed  
back tendrils of her hair from her face. "Usako,   
believe me, if I could, I would take all that pain   
from you and put it upon myself just to make it   
easier."  
"Flatterer, you would do no such   
thing," she shot back, shooting him a glare. "I  
would think you crazy if you did."  
"Crazy for you, hai," he said with a   
smile.  
"Mamo-chan," she moaned, "your   
cheesiness is not helping me." But he saw the   
small smile forming as she spoke and jumped   
on that.  
"If I keep talking like this, my   
'cheesiness' as you call it, will help distract you   
from the... other things going on."   
She hugged her arms around her  
waist and peeked an eye open. "Please   
Mamo-chan, your cheesiness will only further   
serve to remind me as to why you're being so   
cheesy in the first place!"  
He gave her a blank look and then   
stood up, throwing his hands in the air. "Fine,   
fine, if you don't want my help, that's just fine   
with me. I'll just leave you now and get back  
to making-"  
"No Mamo-chan, don't leave! I   
need you, onegai."  
He grinned at her tone and turned   
around from the doorway. "You need me?" he   
asked teasingly. "You didn't seem to so much  
as *want* my company just a few seconds   
ago."  
"Yes Mamo-chan, I do need you...   
very much so."  
His grin became wider and he came   
back to the bed. "Ah, Usako, you know I love   
you" he began, placing a kiss on her lips,   
"and I'll always be there when you need-"  
"I need *them*."  
"Nani?" he asked, straightening   
back quickly.  
"Mamo-chan," she began with an   
air of patience fit for a child, "I need for you   
to get me *them*. You always turn red when   
I say the word, so this is the only way I can   
say it without you getting uncomfortable."  
"Them? Them..." his mind   
searched furiously for what she was   
implying and when he hit upon the answer,   
he wanted to fall to his knees and beg. Beg   
so that he wouldn't have to go out and get   
*them*.  
"Usako... You know I-"  
"You love me, I know and I love   
you too Mamo-chan but I can't get out of this  
bed never mind driving to the store so if you   
could, onegai, get them for me?"  
He let out a frustrated sigh and got   
down on the floor beside the bed so that he   
could be at eye level with Usagi. "Why can't   
you ever stock up on these things? I'm sure   
you get them in family size and bulk pack."   
he said.  
She looked at him squarely in the   
face, her expression clearly telling him that   
she thought he was mad. She then uncurled   
her arm from her stomach and brushed   
Mamoru's bangs away. "Love, we're not   
talking about cereal here. These things do   
*not* come in a family size."   
She closed her eyes and he saw   
her bite her lower lip as another cramp   
struck her.   
"Get some aspirin while you're   
at it," she moaned as she rolled over,   
facing away from him.  
Mamoru did not want to do this...   
he couldn't be made to do this! It went   
against every instinct of his male ego. Not   
that he would have much left of it after this   
trip, he thought, disgruntled. He gathered   
up strength for one last argument.  
"Demo... maybe one of your   
friends could do it." He quickly rushed on.   
"Maybe Rei could go, or Makoto. I'm sure  
neither would mind."  
She did not turn to face him but   
he heard the menace in her voice. His   
wife... sounding menacing... towards him!   
"Mamo-chan, I will not have   
Rei-chan make a trip all the way from the   
Hikawa Shrine just to go to the store that  
is right around the corner from this   
apartment complex! The same goes for   
Mako-chan. Now go or you'll be sharing  
my pain and I'll make sure of it," she   
threatened.  
He looked at her back for a   
moment and then got up, grumbling to   
himself. "When I'm King, the first royal   
decree will be to have those things come   
in bulk and then I'm going to have the   
palace stocked from floor to ceiling   
with them."  
He left the room and didn't  
see his wife's tender smile follow him out.  
  
As he drove to the store, which   
*was* really just around the corner (but he   
wasn't going to be caught walking home   
with a package of those *things*), his mind   
drifted back to the last (and first) time he   
was made to do this 'errand'.  
It was a while ago as he made   
sure Usagi didn't make him do this often   
and he could still remember... the *stares*.   
He, a first timer, had innocently   
walked into the aisle, intent on just getting   
the package and leaving when he had to   
stop dead in his tracks at the sight before   
him. At least 10 women of all ages were   
in that aisle, and as he had gone to get that   
one item, he remembered the feeling of   
their eyes boring into him from all sides.   
Kami, it was those stares that   
had nearly done him in that last time,   
nearly forcing him to drop everything   
and run out of the store with his head   
inside his shirt.  
It hadn't helped when he had   
reached the cashier, he received a few   
smirks from the teenager behind the   
register. And then to top it all off he had   
to stand through a price check. A price  
check! He could have sworn the boy had   
done it on purpose to prolong the intense   
torture of his trip.  
Mamoru shuddered as he   
remembered the words that went over  
the P.A. system, "Customer Service, we   
need a price check for this guy's Always   
Maxi pads, Overnight Protection."  
The snickers behind him that  
had followed had nearly killed him and   
he swore to never let his wife put him in   
such a position.  
So here he was on this   
lovely day, heading for the 'feminine   
products' aisle, his hands clammy and   
his legs quite unsteady.  
"Oh Kami," he mumbled   
under his breath, "give me the strength,   
please just give me the strength to-"  
"Konnichiwa! Can I help you   
today?"  
He nearly jumped back into a   
ceiling high stack of diapers at the cheery  
voice that had interrupted his prayers. He   
turned his head to see an elderly woman   
smiling politely at him, wearing the   
store's uniform.  
"Iie, I'm just looking for m-...   
milk!"  
"Aisle 5, next to the frozen   
food section."  
"Uh... Arigato," he walked off,   
not realizing he was walking in the   
opposite direction, confusing the poor   
old woman completely.  
He found the aisle and knew   
that *they*, those feminine items his wife   
so dearly needed, were on the left side.  
So, he deducted, if I just walk through   
looking for something on the right side,   
and then quickly grab something from   
the left, no one will really see anything.  
So, with the confidence and   
ease of a man who's sure of himself,   
Mamoru walked into the aisle, mentally  
patting himself on the back. When he got   
near to his goal, he turned his head to   
focus his gaze on the items on the right  
side of the aisle trying to look   
interested in those items... and nearly  
keeled over in shock.  
His sexy blue eyes now beheld   
the sight of women's razors, disposable   
*and* non-disposable, shaving *and*   
waxing creams and some fragrant body   
lotions on the side. Good Lord, what had   
he done to displease the Fates today?  
He groaned audibly yet quietly   
and thrust his hand through his hair. The   
creaking of shopping cart wheels caught   
his attention and he turned his head to   
see two young women coming down,   
each pushing a shopping cart, chatting   
amicably.  
Mamoru did what any normal   
man in his tumultuous position would   
do... he panicked. First he walked   
quickly *towards* the women before he   
realized that such a move would only   
create more complications and lead to   
humiliation. Wrong way, baka! He did   
an about face just as quickly and   
walked --nearly ran-- out of the aisle  
and into the next one.   
He grabbed the nearest item,   
saw that it was a bottle of shampoo and   
flipped it around so that he could read  
the back. Anything to keep his male ego   
intact, you see.  
He heard the two women  
turn into the aisle he was in and looked   
up in time to see their flirtatious smiles.   
If only Usagi was here, he thought,   
those smiles would have been wiped   
off so quickly... but she wasn't so he   
did what was a common action to him.   
He brought his hand up and scratched   
the side of his head, clearly displaying  
the golden wedding band on his finger.   
He saw the tiniest bit of   
disappointment in their eyes as the   
two moved away. He then allowed   
himself a smug smile. Serves them   
right, he thought.  
But, he could not forget the   
mission at hand so he cautiously   
walked back to his former destination,   
looking around to make sure there   
would be no further interruptions.   
Just as he had reached his   
goal a hand clamped down on his   
shoulder causing him to yelp and swivel   
around.  
"Mamoru?" the man asked.  
"Motoki?" Mamoru asked.  
"What are you doing here?"   
they both said at the same time and then   
grinned.  
"Reika sent me to get her  
those *things*," he confided pointing   
slightly to the shelves in front of them.  
"You too? Thank Kami. I   
don't have to do this alone then." He   
reached out to grab one of the packages   
when Motoki stopped him.  
"Wait, how do you know that's   
the right one?"  
"Nani? What do you mean by   
that?" Mamoru asked nervously, pulling  
his hand back.   
"Don't you know what specific   
*type* Usagi wants? Look at all of the   
brands and types in front of you,   
wouldn't Usagi want a particular kind?"  
And indeed, Mamoru did look   
and see... so many kinds of *them*. The   
urge to kill his best friend immediately   
had never been so great.   
He groaned even louder than the   
last time and turned to Motoki. "Now why   
did you have to tell me that? How am *I*  
supposed to know what Usako wants?"   
The sweat beads were back on his   
forehead and he turned his gaze back on the   
shelves. All those different brands... what   
if he didn't get the right one? That was   
something he did not want to look   
forward to.  
"Well, which one do you get   
for Reika?"  
"Depends." At Mamoru's blank   
stare, Motoki sighed and went on to   
further explain. "They need different ones   
for different times and depending on   
where they are, they'll need a specific  
type. Where were you in health class,   
Mamoru?"  
"Busy gagging," came the   
quick answer.  
Motoki shook his blonde head   
in exasperation. "So which one are you   
going to get?" he finally asked. "There's   
the 'light days', 'medium days', 'heavy   
days', 'overnight protection,' 'wings,'   
'without wings,' 'regul-'"  
He was abruptly stopped when  
he found a hand clamped over his mouth   
and a very red-faced Mamoru.  
"Can't you keep it down? Do   
you want the whole world to know that   
we're on a shopping expedition for these   
things?"  
Motoki calmly removed   
Mamoru's hand and then began chuckling.   
"You're not very good at this are you?   
You learn after a while to take it... like a   
man."  
Mamoru shot him a glare and   
then grabbed a package. "Usako loves me,"   
he began, "and she won't care that I got her   
the wrong brand or type. She'll appreciate   
the effort I'm making for her and that's all  
that matters."  
"Sure, you keep telling yourself   
that..."  
"Can I help you two with   
anything?"  
Mamoru caught himself before   
he yelped again and then quickly shoved   
the package he was holding into Motoki's   
hands. He turned around and found  
himself was facing the same old lady   
from before.  
"No, not at all," he replied   
with a charming grin and wink. "My   
friend here was having trouble finding the   
right kind for his wife. I was just helping   
him."  
"My wif-?!"  
Mamoru discreetly stepped on   
his friend's shoe, immediately shutting him   
up. He flashed the woman another smile.   
"Do you have any suggestions?"  
The woman immediately   
launched into a lengthy description of   
which kind would be suitable while  
Mamoru nodded politely and smiled at the   
appropriate times. By the time she was   
done, *Motoki* not Mamoru, was holding   
at least 4 different kinds of Maxi pads.   
When the lady at last left them,  
Mamoru turned back to his now fuming   
friend with an innocent look on his face.  
"I am *not* buying all of these,"   
came the growl.  
"Of course not," came the   
gracious reply, "I am going to buy them."  
"Nani?" Motoki asked, clearly  
astounded. "Even I would not be crazy   
enough to walk out of here with *all* of   
them."  
"But see, I'm crazy for Usako   
so-"  
Motoki's groan cut him short.   
"Oh please, Mamoru, cut the cheesiness."  
"Demo, I'm not being-"  
"Are you done here? Yes?   
Good, let's go." Motoki dumped the bundle   
in Mamoru's arms, picked up another one   
from the shelf for Reika and began  
walking.  
Mamoru followed him but once  
he left the safety of the aisle and walked   
out into the open space next to the cashier   
lines he stopped dead in his tracks. So   
many people... they would all stare... at   
his so many packages of... pads.  
His face lost all color and he   
quickly strode to the cashier line in front   
of him. Luckily there were only two   
people in front of him with few items and   
before he knew it the woman --thank   
Kami it wasn't that teenager-- was   
scanning his stuff. He exhaled in relief...   
and stopped in mid-breath when she   
spoke in a loud, nasal voice.  
"Sir, did you know that we   
are having a special sale on the Stayfree  
ones? It's buy one get one free week."  
"I just need that one, arigato,"   
he replied curtly.  
But the woman was not to be   
deterred because to her, any sale was a   
good sale. "If you'd like, you can sign up   
for a rebate and you'll receive the   
Alway's Heavy Flow with Wings upon-"  
"No, I am not interested." Did   
this woman not understand his pain?   
Mamoru wondered. He so badly wanted   
to sink into the Earth and being that he   
was connected to it, the Earth would be   
much obliged to do him such a favor...  
"Will you be paying by cash   
or credit?"  
Mamoru gave his credit card   
and with eager eyes watched as the   
woman bagged everything for him. He   
grabbed the bags and began walking   
towards the doors.   
Freedom... it was finally in   
sight...  
"Oh sir! You forgot the   
Light Flow Panty Liners! I forgot to bag   
them!"  
That voice would forever   
hunt him in his nightmares. He knew it   
in that instant. He turned back around   
and tried to pretend that it was nothing.   
Sure, men like him did this kind of   
thing everyday. Sure, they were insane   
enough like him to get four different   
kinds of pads for their wives...   
The snickers from all around   
were *not* helping. Wait, was that that   
teenage boy again?   
Just you wait, Mamoru   
thought. Just you wait until you fall for   
a girl and find yourself giving an arm   
and a leg to see her happy.   
Usagi owed him in more   
ways than he could count...  
"Here you go! Have a nice   
day!"  
Finally he was able to walk   
out of the store in peace. Finally he was   
able to get into his car and drive home.  
He vaguely remembered saying good   
bye to Motoki but that didn't matter   
now. He had gone out, risked his now   
deflated ego, and bought *them*. He   
needed someone to pat him on the   
back, he thought wryly.  
He had finally   
accomplished his husbandly duty.  
  
As Mamoru approached their   
apartment he heard the faint sounds of   
dance music. He frowned as he realized   
it must have been one of their neighbors.  
They really had no respect for everyone   
else, he thought as the lyrics to "She's a   
Maniac" rung in his ears.  
Imagine his shock and   
surprise when he opened the door to   
find himself blasted with the song.  
The bags dropped from his   
hands when he took in the sight before   
him.  
His wife was *dancing*   
around the living room, a quart of   
chocolate fudge ice cream in her hand.  
She was still dressed in her nightclothes   
which consisted of shorts and one of   
*his* white shirt tucked in haphazardly.   
He knew he had left his wife,   
moaning and curled up like a newborn in   
their bed, so what was she doing...   
dancing... like a... maniac?!  
Her back was to him as she   
bounced and swayed to the music and he   
grinned evilly as he crept up to her. Oh,  
she had a lot of explaining to do.  
His hands clamped around her   
waist and he was rewarded with a   
squeal as he lifted her high and swung   
her around.  
The ice cream and spoon went   
flying but he didn't care about them very   
much at the moment. When he let Usagi's   
feet touch the ground, she immediately   
turned around and tried to swing a punch   
at him.  
He easily caught her fist and   
when she finally saw who it was, instead   
of calming, she tried to hit him with her   
other hand. He caught that fist also and   
brought their hands down to behind her   
back and pulled her towards him. He   
captured her lips with his and gave her   
a deep kiss.  
"Mamo-chan! Are you insane?"   
she yelled after they broke apart. "You   
nearly gave me a heart attack coming   
up like that. I could have hurt you!"  
"You hurt me? Not in this   
lifetime, Usako."  
"Don't forget, we have   
another lifetime to look forward to   
baka! I'll get you then for scaring me   
like that!" She struggled a little but   
quickly came to the conclusion that   
he wasn't going to let her go.  
"And what about you?" he   
said, giving in to her tempting lips and  
giving her another quick kiss.  
"What about me?" she asked,   
her eyes narrowed.  
"I leave you here moaning in   
pain and come back to see you dancing   
with ice cream! What happened in the   
hour's time that I was gone?"  
"Oh, that. Well, a few minutes   
after you left I became impatient and   
called Hota-chan, you know, the woman   
who lives a few doors from us and she   
came over with an extra package of pads   
and some Advil. She's such a sweetheart,"   
Usagi finished, smiling.  
"She's such a sweetheart!" He   
let go of her and gestured to himself.   
"What about me? After all that I went   
through, the horror, the torture, the   
humiliation, the agony, the-"  
"Mamo-chan! You're sounding   
like a soap opera. All I asked for was a   
small package of pads and some Tylenol,   
how hard was that?"  
"How hard?"   
Usagi heard the indignation in   
his voice and backed up a step... only to   
find him move forward one step. "Bad   
question?" she meekly asked.  
"You ask me, your husband, a   
man with a reputation to keep, how hard it   
was to walk into the 'feminine aisle', be  
confronted with a thousand feminine   
products and then from a plethora of pads,   
select *one* of them, praying that it was   
the right one?! You dare to ask me such a   
question?"  
"Mamo-chan... what's a  
plethora?"   
It was all Usagi got out before   
running for her life as Mamoru chased   
after her. "Gomen, gomen!" she yelled,   
desperately trying to evade Mamoru's   
hands. She screamed when he finally   
lunged, stopping her from getting away.   
He brought her up against his   
chest and leaned down to nuzzle the side  
of her neck. "You should be punished   
for being so ignorant of my manly   
psyche," he mumbled, nipping her skin   
for added measure.   
She smiled happily and was   
about to close her eyes when the bags   
against the door caught her attention.   
"How many packages did   
you get?" she asked, giggling.  
"Enough to please you and   
that's all that matters," he replied,   
bringing her backwards so that they   
could sit on the sofa behind them.  
"Arigato Mamo-chan."  
"You're welcome. By the   
way Usako, *you*, my love, will be   
taking a trip to the store because   
we've run out of..." and he whispered   
the rest in her ear and smiled in   
satisfaction to see her eyes go wide.  
  
~*~*The End*~*~  
  
*Giggle* I'm just thinking back to all  
the things that led up to this fic. C'mon  
people, how many of you have found   
yourself in either Mamoru's or Usagi's  
position? It's life... and that's the only  
way I can explain it.  
Write me and tell me what *you* thought.  
Patch:-)(-: 


End file.
